worth

feeling torn between hopes and dreams

realizig my reality may never be what i need

im trying to see past the pain and turmoil 

the lies and games all the hurtfull words that

 rip me to shreds moving on instead 

affection love and devotions what i need 

and yet you still are selfish and making it all about you so it seems

when your moving foward your not suppose to be mean

i show you love and you show me hate

youd think youve already decided our fate

why stab me in the back again are you that proud of your sins

is there a reason i should keep my faith in you

when you always abandon and act so cruel

when you dont care what you do who its with or even if it hurt me too

i love you to death but your the one whos messed up

my heart has given you the chance you take it for granted 

and youll lose everything you have this right here is your final dance

cheating is where i draw the line 

show me you are worth my time 

because i deserve love too

venting

You played me like a fool

tossed me around like a rag doll

and slammed the door in my face

I don't know what I was thinking

I wanted to believe so much

you had changed

that you could be honest

and would stop playing childish games

I should have known that all the bull shit would be the same

you messing around with other girls

you say I have no right to get mad

well fuck you

a break is not a break up

its time to simply clear your head

especially when you can't say we are single

you do your thing and I'll do mine

ya those are your words

don't they just sound fucking fine

that must mean its okay

to pick up someone and sext all day... right...

yet you wanna make me your wife someday

put yourself in my shoes,

would you want to be with me;

if I did these things to you?

If I lied to you,

hid things from you,

even went behind your back,

and did things I promised you I would never do

cheating is cheating no matter what way you look at it

its wrong

so fuck it

be like you

go get high

smoke another bong

why not get drunk

and go for a drive too

that wont hurt anyone

except everyone that Care's about you

that is if you get lucky

and don't hurt the innocent person who happens to pass by

but that makes no difference

you say I have no right

my feelings don't matter

and that you don't wanna fight

Honey this is your doing

I am not the one causing this

and when you say that I am all uptight

what woman wouldn't be

when she is in this kind of strife.

so much to say

So many thing's I want to say,

where to start I am not sure

as my mind wont stop going a million miles an hour

and its been this way for days

being torn in so many ways

you coming back made

a joyful waterfall on the outside

a confused soul on the in

I want to tell you everything

Although I don't know where to begin

do I start by saying I LOVE YOU,

you are my greatest sin

or by telling you I am scared,

that I want to feel secure,

not alone, or even unloved,

I am deathly afraid of the kind of pain again

turmoil should make us stronger,

you ran away,

and I know I couldn't take that empty pain much longer

I tried to stay strong,

but each day drifted from the place my heart belonged

cried so hard

I couldn't think.

I could imagine my life without you,

but you made me,

you made me see life without you

and now I'm not sure if you understand life without me

I don't want to be toyed with

I am not a puppet

you caused a lot of damage

I was at the point to say F* it,

I want more than anything

for the words you have spoke to be real

to feel everything

part of me put up this wall

to protect me again if I shall fall

will you be there to break it down

and the one to catch me this time if I do...

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

but I am really scared too!
Your the only one my heart beats for
I want you to feel this way too...
I want you to need me like I need you
to want, desire and crave me
to miss me after five minutes of being a part
to just be....
your everything!

Graffiti

What Do You Do,
When Everything You Have Ever Hoped For,
Is Right In Front Of You...
Yet It's Not There
Something You Dream Of You Finally Find,
Yet It Disappears
It's So Surreal It Goes Beyond Your Imagination,
You Lose Track Of Time
And Then When You Least Suspect It,
It Slaps You In The Face
Makes You Remember All The Things
You DID NOT Want To Remember.
Feel All The Emotions You Hoped To Never Feel Again,
All You Can Do Is Ask Yourself Why,
Wonder What Your Suppose To Do
What Your Suppose To Say
Should You Be Angry...
Or Let It Slide?
Act Like It Never Bothered You And It Never Happend,
When Is Enough?
Getting So Dizzy With Questions
The Room Spins,
Graffitied On Your Mind Are The Words
Does He Know?
Does He Even Care?
Would He Listen?
Better Yet Would He Hear?
Overwhelmed By Thoughts
Where Do You Start To Unravel
The Knotted Strings
Holding Up Your Wall
Of the Confusion And Unknowing
Wanting Nothing More
But To Leave Only The Good
So Once Again
Your Smile is Glowing
Your World Still...
To The Point You Lose Time
Due To Joy Happiness And Love
Your Hope Restored...

When Is This Possible?
Better Yet How??

Death Defying

Fear consumes my thoughts
as I’m standing in a dark crowded room
and all I can think of is her
seeing her crumble
her body weaken
her heart beat racing
her breaths shallow
she’s helpless in this battle
I say her name
to try to keep her conscious
but she don’t move
she don’t make a sound
my minds going insane
the room starts spinning
and suddenly its empty
scared for her
unsure what to do
I’m trying
as I am next to her on the floor
her eyes roll
her body shifts
I try to stimulate more movement
gently I shake her
hoping she would come to
I hear a drum line
wondering if its hers or mine
Thud , thud, thud
she barely makes a sound
I have to think of my next move
scared for her I will lose
not knowing where would be safe
should she go home
or is it to late
still puzzled
on what brought her to this
knowing she’s strong
something is really wrong
she’s crashing
this boggles my mind
I feel helpless
preying she will be fine
all I can do is hold her hand
as she lays there virtually dying
inside I am crying
please make this horrifying dream go away
and let my twisted mind be lying...

Betrayed

feeling empty
with a broken heart
alone
with no where to start
no one to understand
why all the chaos has torn me apart
sent into turmoil
back to the state
where I am no ones for the taking
thought I could trust
thought I could confide
then I realized once again
there is to many people out there ready for sin
ready to try and deteriorate me from within
without a soul to see the pain it causes me
not a care from them
why do I sit here under discipline
they lie and play games
I sit here and hide
all because they put my name to shame
sick of defending
mending
fixing missing
forgiving but in the end
losing
what I thought to be friends
yet some how
because I am strong
some pride lingers and
I’ll say this before I say so long
when you need a true friend to help you
I will have already be gone
leaving you wishing
you wouldn’t have burned me
to the point where you
yourself
don’t know where you belong

Agony

Finally trying to breath
coming above, after being lost at sea
now trying to find me
Knowing what I want
but seeing less of what I was
this isn't the end
but losing every ounce of Love
craving touch, but going numb
craving to see, but loss of sight
trying to hear but sounds
of a throbbing heart triumph
the scent of a old soul breaks down on me
and all that surrounds is a tunnel
an endless tunnel of a soul
with nothing left to give
a soul who needlessly forgives
don't trust anyone
the bruises are to strong
don't care to much
for in a moment they will be gone
where oh where can I find myself within
this black hole keeps sucking me in
sorrow and sadness
torture and sin
as I always wake up with a smile again
wanting to curl up in a ball
so I cant hurt anyone,
and they cant hurt me,
but that wont happen
people notion against that call
trying to move on from a part of me
where I gave up
hoping that my future would guide me
but blood drains from my flesh
screams weep from my eyes
this Crystal body drowns me again
as I remember nothing can complete me
I myself cant accomplish this
for my younger soul has defeated me
And left me in ruins to grasp Agony