happiness

I wont say I cant
I never say I don't
I wouldn't say impossible
I couldn't say I shouldn't
so all I can do is try
to reach for the beautiful warm blue sky
when the sun is shining and warm
I will just smile and try harder
when the stars are among us
looking down with there grace
I will sleep and let my mind wonder
When times are rough
and nothing seems like enough
I will simply remember
to smile
and be tough
things will always get better
think positive
no matter the weather
:)

I cant help but smile

Seeing you
Just makes me smile
makes me relax
and breaks my wall
Hearing you
makes me weak
and strong in the same moment
Listening to you
is like a song
a lullaby
and I feel like I belong
I don't know how
and I don't know why
but I am finally starting to see
What I really want in my life
I know that you have changed my path
even if its temporary
because I don't know how long you will last
your like my own drug
something that I cant describe
for some reason you bring happiness
peace and mind
I don't want to think of you leaving
because that just makes me sigh
I am happy you are here
so lets have fun

or at least try

Please

Tears roll down my face
as someone holds me within their embrace
Things are happening way too fast
The pain hits me with a full out blast
I reach out for you but your not there
As I realize its too late, my heart starts to tear
How will I make it on my own?
Why did you leave me here all alone?
I'm so afraid without you
Please come back and come back soon
I hate this feeling of regret
I hate this pain that you have left
I would do anything to be back in your arms
Cause thats a place I know I won't be harmed
Nothing I say can change your mind
But please remember our love was divine
I love you so very much,
You could make me melt everytime we touched
You still hold the key to my heart
So please say this isn't real,
please say we will never part

Just love me

I need a man
not a little boy
someone to treat me with respect
not like his toy
Someone who wont pretend
who wont talk shit
who wont break mends
someone who will make
the bruises go away
not make them stay
make the pain dissipate
the fear disappear
I need a partner to protect me
to watch over me
to just let me be me
to not judge me
to not use me
to see me and
not want to change me
I need a man to.......
Just Love Me!

So Long

Go ahead
Treat me like shit
Be like the rest
yeah act like,
whats in your pants
I didn't do anything wrong
Yet you still treat me like I'm your toy
The girl you think you can put down,
and destroy
Well go Fuck yourself,
I'm done with your mess
Just tried to help
and you still think its okay,
to be like the ones before
you treat me like I am the path you walk upon

go ahead
Yep you lost me
Because I'm done
done with your B.S
Go ahead walk your path
Remember live it like its your last
I have no more advice after that!
So LONG!

honey dew mist

chocolate eyes gazed into his pale blue sea
hoping all was well and together they would be
disapearing like a honey dew mist
he faded away
his touch began to disipate
and she still had blood flowing scars screaming
she thought loving him would be redeaming
face turning sapphire without a breath
her body under so much stress
she knows there was never a chance
to make him see
what she was
and who she could be
how she would help him
become everything he wanted to be
caramel skin bruised
a soul abused
her last hope used
her sarrow gone
now she dont have anywhere to belong
he wont giver her a chance
now she cant sing her song
wont even give her a glance

tell me now

how does it feel?
to know that he wakes up in the morning
and your not the one he thinks about
how does it feel to believe you have won
but something that was never there for the taking
how does it feel to know that you are not really what his heart desires
tell me now what you are really thinking because in the end your just a little thing
a altered path of temporary romance
tell me now what it feels like to know his heart is not yours
that you don't hold a thing of him
that in an altered state of mind you think you do but in reality you know the truths
tell me please how you handle it when everyday your still on your knees
trying to fight it lying to yourself and hiding whats reality
just so you can have your duality
tell me in the morning do you see everything
do you see that you can never keep him satisfied
that all things in hand your just trying to hide them
how does it feel to know?

getting ready to knock it out

How do I say anything
How do I tell someone that don't even see me
how I really feel
how do I stand up to say everything
How do I wait for the day
I have no reason here to stay
My soul is gone
in his hands forever more
my heart is in pieces
the only thing I can do
is pack my bags and walk out the door
I am sad and weakened
never to be seen forever tore
if I cant speak to him
I would rather be dead laying on the floor
he is my dreams
my wish
my everything
I cant cover anything
its time I say this
time to lay everything out

A songless birds hearbroken fate

I keep trying
I keep pushing forward
I do what I feel is right
but for some reason
at the end of the day
I feel like I have done wrong
That I have done something to deserve
disappointment
I feel that I am not able
able to believe anymore
that I am not able
to be anything anymore
I feel guilty
ashamed
taken over and cant be
Understood
I try to stay on a straight path
but something tells me
I did something wrong
I am not whole when I am alone
it makes me feel like a coward
to go home alone
But night after night
since I gave you up
this is what I deal with
This is what helps me stay tough
it took me too long to figure out
what path I wanted to take
now the only thing I can do is wait
hope for our promise to take
and one day be thankful
for our gracious fate

Our Gift

I know many things in life
I know I have always made mistakes
Have gotten scared
Have pushed everyone away
I am trying not to do that
I am trying to stay
I am trying to do things the right way
but I don't feel right
I wish it was still you
that I would fall asleep to everything
I wish it was still you that everything was the same
I know I was the one who walked away
and I guess I do regret something to this day
There has only been two things in my life
that I would have ever changed
and both had to do with you
I wont be able to fix them
until your a part of me again
I don't know if I can wait until I am 25
but I know the time is soon again
Remember our last thoughts
our last words
remember what your heart really says
mine says it too
its time to stop being scared
I am sorry for my mistake
but I wont be able to forget it
Until all this is sorted through
Forgive me
Like I have forgiven you
bless our gift once more

I just want to say

I just want to say
I miss you...
I miss your smile
your laugh
your touch
even your gently angry voice
I miss the smiles we shared
the laughs we have always had
the inside jokes only you and I would know
the love that's so unconditional
I miss everything about you
I miss the looks you would give me
the pet name only you would call me
I dream of the day
that the promise we share comes true
because I know you love me
the same way I love you
I miss your friendship
the thought that you are near
I miss your smile
and your gorgeous eyes
your dark hair
and your guilty mind
I miss everything about you
good, bad and everything in the middle
I miss you
and that's all there is to it
now I just wish I could tell you

Subconsciously

Subconsciously I am Afraid
I am so scared to let someone in
I just feel ashamed
I can hide
I can play
I can be everything expected
but I cant stay
its like I am being tormented
I am full of this stolen power
But I am not afraid
I have nothing to lose
You with me have nothing to gain
its life's never ending game for me
sadly I have already played my ace
I have already lost
Although I walk with grace
You will never even remember my face
I will push you away
I will run I will stray
Don't get attached
you need to know this
time for me has collapsed

Play Rewind Stop Fast Foward

I just want to hit play
I try to keep things going
but that's not working
nothing ever seems to go my way
I look back at you
and think of us
I look to the future
and know what suppose to be done
Time has frozen but I am still aging
I am still moving
I can't seem to breath though
each breath in feels like nothing
lingers to my lungs
I feel blue in the face
and wonder how things got so out of place
I remember where I made the biggest mistake
I lost my heart
and can never get it back
my soul stayed with you
so now its everything about me I lack
I try to push forward
but don't deserve anything
This hole inside me just keeps ripping
burning me to nothing
I pull my arms around my corpse
to feel a pulse less body
as God as my witness
I will catch myself
but I will still be loving you
and my heart, my soul
will still be what I lack

Free? to be me?

I am no myself
I know this
but how do I change
what everyone sees me as
how do I go back
to just being me
not the model
not the Hollywood everyone knows
Just Tasha,
the girl who talks to everyone
I don't want to be a heart breaker
I don't want to run with anyone's soul
I don't want to be the one who
everyone sees in there own perception
all there deception!
I keep falling down
but keep my composer
I am just looking for love
trying to find someone who will except my
black and blue
battered heart
and possibly repair it
and put it above
I don't want to be anything but me
and that's all I am asking for
from anyone
just to accept
and let me live free

At least who you used to be!

Your suppose to be the one I confide in
the one who would listen
the one who I knew no matter where I went in life
I could turn to
It seems that I have been wrong
It seems that our time has come

now I no longer belong
I am no longer a part of you
but you keep a part of me
As we are blood
its strong yes
but not strong enough
I am immortal on the surface
but not all the way through
I KNOW I am not perfect
but neither are you
I just need to know
now that I obviously have been left behind
If you really resent me,
If you really hate me that much
I can no longer forget the hurt you have caused me
the pain you keep causing me
I love you but in your eyes
I am.. nothing
You seem to think that I only do wrong
that I don't do right
that I should no longer...
exist
so as I have been struggling
I ponder now if I should even
put up this fight anymore
I always looked up to you
but now....
I am speechless as to you
I know once I am gone
you will forget me
but I will never forget you!
At least who you used to be

Promise

You see that I am happy
and what you see holds to be true
You think that I am not even noticing
the difference from everyone
and the way you look at me too,
I try to keep my eyes light
and my face cheerful
I lie to myself to think I don't need you
our past is inevitable
our future we have a promise
something we both vowed to keep
its hidden inside of us
just waiting for one of us to speak,
I know you still feel the same way too
just because you tell me so
and the look you give me
its the same thing you used to do
you think that my smile
is because I am really better off with out you
that I am safer without you
that our worlds are better separated at this time
but look at everything
the way we make each other feel
the envy people still hold for our friendship
the voids people are trying to cause
if only they know how close we are
no matter how far apart we become
we will always be attached
we will always have our thoughts
we will always have that promise
that will change our lives forever
in just a few years
together

I only dream him

Sitting here imagining you
wondering if I could ever have you
Your perfect little smile
your adorable laugh,
Getting lost in your deep gorgeous eyes
and soothed by your gentle touch
When your near
I am only able to hear
a gentle drum beat
yet the only thing I can do is fear
fear the loss of you
before I even have you
Fear never seeing you
never meeting you
and forever being alone
I crave you in way that is inevitable
I know you exist
and my body
my mind
my heart wont let me love another
my standards are set
so in my dreams you will rest
till I find you in fates path
I will imagine you
in every way shape and form
and see you in my dreams!

I am or am I?

I am the sapphire salt crystal
that streams like a waterfall
down your soft and delicate cheeks
I am your every breath
that you take
as your struggling for weeks
I am the girl no one sees
the one who is impossible to be
My fears starting to finally show through
as I try to overcome
all the frights that became
unbearable
I am but a breeze on a hot summer day
and a mere thought
a glimpse of a past life
a past memory
I am but the one who's words can no longer portray
I am the one who's voice is tranquil
soothing you with each sound
like music to your ears
it becomes your new lullaby
I am nothing and yet
I am everything
or am I?

I LOVE YOU

Secrets of a lost love
Hind behind your
Somber brown eyes

Pain shows through
on your sunkist bronze skin
and fear is in your heart
know I just dont know

where to start
to help you heal
you need to be ready
to let someone in,
to let someone show you,
they care,
remove the chestnut hair
from your face
hold your chin up
your life can never be replaced
so keep a smile on your face
when your alone
and you want to cry
think of me
and not that guy
I'm your friend
till the very end
I'm here for you
no matter what comes your way
remember that
each and every day!

the one and only for me

This life
this time
I wonder if anything is right
I wonder if I will find the one I dream of
I will be holding my breath
till that moment
When I get the overwhelming feeling
and I walk hand and hand with the one who feels the way I do
the one who I will spend the rest of my life with
and want the same things too
I had him once
twice I thought
will there be a third
will there be a charm
will I ever be able to find him
and walk on his arm
I don't see much to far ahead
just looking back
and I fear I already been through
the best years of my life
If I could go back
I would hug and kiss you
every moment I could
Show you how much I adore you
and everything that really could be
If anything is possible
is it possible that you will keep your promise to me
that my third time around
will be with you
the one and only for me

Heaven

Heaven is being in your arms,
Having you whisper you love me,
And you telling me what your heart desires,

Heaven is what your smile is,
What your touch is
Even what your voice is,

Heaven is you getting mad,
and not wanting to tell me,
and trying to surprise me,
with dinner plans,
oh how sweet,

Heaven is the look that you give me,
When I do something wrong,
When I do something right,
Or when I don't even do anything at all,

Heaven is just being around you,
knowing that you care,
and knowing that your always there,
but most importantly......

Heaven is the way you make me feel!

Always Mama's boy!

So confused what to do
not knowing why

you do what you do

I'm so lost and confused
you make my heart turn blue

you take my soul
and make me feel
FORBIDDEN!
when I wash my hands
They wont come clean
when I cry myself to sleep
you ruin my dreams
don't know how to tell you this
but you make me feel ashamed
I love you to death
and I don't know why
because you fill my heart full of lies
you ruin my dreams
and break your promises
you tear me apart
and leave me that way
why cant you for once
stop your stupid play
be real with me
because that's what i need
be real with me
because I am being real
with you right now
we are done for now
until you see
the harm you have caused
take off your Mommy's boy mask
and grow up

Pain stricken with to much pride

This pain inside me needs to go away
I cant help but wonder why it stays
lingers deep within
Gives me pain that makes me immobile
coils me up in a ball
with no one to comfort me in this never ending brawl
I wonder how I will keep going
and if this pain will ever end
It feels like someone is killing me from within
a knife cutting my organs
dull and rusty
jabbing to a gut wrenching beat
tears slowly stream down my face
that's inevitable with each puncture
something grabbing each slaughtered piece
ripping with impeccable strength
you hear a crack
a broken rib
you hear a shatter
a broken pelvis
crunching sounds make me uneasy
as I scream in torture
now someone fighting me not only from within

bruised where bruises wont appear
oceans filling with each clear salty drop
feeling the hole get bigger and bigger
I try to hold myself together
enclosed in my own arms
Sobbing wanting needing
this tortured pain to disintegrate
each day just putting on a healthy face
a mask that hides
this anguished corpse
Only if someone knew
all the pain I really go through

Maybe someday

sitting here I begin to think about all my surroundings
wishing my friends and family the best
I begin to think its time for me to leave
be separated from everyone
I know I will last on my own
but will I be able to really cease
to want everyone here to forget me
to not remember my existence
possibly my spirit
actually would anyone even notice I am not around
I wonder in fright that maybe I am just a mere last minute thought
but then I think of all my friends
and the great memories we share
think of my family and how much they need me here
I remember the heart ache to leave them on there own
to leave my family fighting
for peace
to leave my friends
without there Hollywood
I wonder who could handle it
and who would wish me to stay
I try to do my best
to tell them all I love them each and everyday
but will this be enough
will they let me grow
even tho it wont be near
will they let me leave with understanding
not objective
knowing that they are always a part of me
and always will be
I wonder so many things
and I may never get my any answers
but then again
maybe someday

I hope you absorb in tranquillity

You keep asking questions
that cant be answered simply
you want to know why
I don't talk to you anymore
you wonder what you did wrong
and when it was
but it happened over time
you became to fanatical
for some reason you PUSH
you try harder
its so melodramatic
your presence feels malevolent
your prescriptiveness of understanding
someone Else's wants
someone Else's needs
is so unbearable
that it blind sides someone
it makes them feel
almost oblivious to what you are
what you are doing
it makes them feel apprehensive
annoyed
and hardly willing to be around
I don't want to be malicious
its not my nature
I just want you to know
all I want is friendship from you
that's all I have ever wanted
that's all I ever will want
I hope you understand
all that I don't like
someone else may
Its just not my cup of tea
to be hovered over everyday
I don't want to hurt you
so hopefully after you read this things will be okay
and talking between us may come
but who knows whats in store
till then I wish you the best of luck

Gifted?

so here is the thing
I dont know where you are
or who you are
but I know you are out there
I dont know where I am going
and what I am doing
but I feel your guidance
I back away from those you say to
I hold those close that I am compelled to
I am growing
I am changing
and I feel this inside of me
I know that things are not always done right
or even done the way you would want me to do them
I know that it is hard for reasons
and everything I have and will go through
only makes me stronger
but I know I am not alone
at any time
for any means
I feel your gifts compell me to be more
I feel your here
although I am alone
who are you
what are you
and why am I gifted with your presence?